Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
