what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
