I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Randomize
