the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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