i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the condom got lost in my hair
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
