Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
