If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
