I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
