The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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