I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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