i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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