the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
