youre lurking in front of me
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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