When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
