Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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