Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
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47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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