Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
