i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
