Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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