Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
