I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
