I hope mine doesn't look like that
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
