So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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