At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
