can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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