that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
