im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
