ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
