What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
