One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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