if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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