I could make wine with my vomit
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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