He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
