just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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