The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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