it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
did i walk over a car last night?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
