i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
