this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
