You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
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Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
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He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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