i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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