I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
did you just send me my own nude
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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