you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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