i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
