What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
