i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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