our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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