Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
