I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize