after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
