Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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