I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
