i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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