i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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