Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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