Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
