Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
