you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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