It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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