It was confusing and full of hummus
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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