it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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