just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
