I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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