that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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