Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He felt like a one man threesome
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize