I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
