i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
